Once again, things seemed to be going well, relatively speaking that is. The doctors had visited the long term care facility and deemed it suitable for dad to live out the rest of his days, however long that may be (no one could predict), and we were just waiting for the caregivers to visit dad to confirm that they could manage his conditions. So when I say Friday the 13th of January 2017 came out of nowhere, while I can see you thinking how could they not expect this? - I really do mean it. It took us by surprise.
Somewhere around 9am, while at work checking a delivery of block mounted pictures I had just received, I got a call from my stepmom, she sounded calm, but told me that the hospital had called for her urgently because dad's heart rate had slowed dramatically and his oxygen saturation was in the 50's and she would call me once she got to the hospital and knew what was going on. I didn't freak out, we had done this so many times before and he had always been okay. I refused to cry or assign any major significance to this event until I knew more. I just repeated to myself over and over we have been here before and we have always made it through.
However, if I am honest, as I pressed end call on my phone I knew what was coming. At around 9.10am my nose started to bleed profusely. My nose never bleeds for no good reason - that is my husband and daughters thing. As I wiped the blood from my top lip I then knew deep down that this was it. The call didn't come long after that and I hadn't realised how two words, he's gone, could literally bring me to my knees. The sobs emanated from the very depths of my soul. I don't remember the rest of the phone call, but when I finally took some notice of my surroundings, I was on my hands and knees on the floor of my office, my face was drenched with tears and feeling like my heart had been ripped in two.
Dad left this world at 9.10am on Friday the 13th of January 2017. His heart just slowed down until it eventually stopped beating. He had decided it was time.
He had given us 8 months of the bravest and toughest fight of his life, possibly the greatest gift he could ever have given because while it was almost impossible to face at times, it forced us to right old wrongs, forgive and then love without all of the hurt that used to taint it. Parents are human, children are human and we all make mistakes and many of them and here we were given the most precious gift of acceptance and closure. Nothing was left unsaid and I realise now that this is a luxury denied to many and I am so grateful to have received it.
Today, I am still struggling to come to terms with what has happened. There are times when I am in disbelief that anything I have written in this blog could even be true. How does all of this even happen outside of a movie?
But it was true, I lived it, I breathed it and somehow... I survived it.
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