Making a tough decision

I am no stranger to stress. I don't think anyone is really. I used to think that I handled stress well, even that I thrived on stress. Turns out that I don't, not on prolonged stress anyway. 2017 has been a particularly stressful year for me so far, however with the exception of my dad's death (for obvious reasons) everything has come with a positive outcome - it is the process of getting to the outcome which has proven to be stressful. Now that we have bought a house and are working our way through the somewhat stressful and financially straining part of the transfer, I thought that everything could finally start to settle down. 

Ummm, as it turns out, not really because out of nowhere I got offered a new job. 

I am reasonably comfortable where I work now, I mean I have been here over 11 years now.  I know the work, the people, the traffic and it is all so very comfortable. Boring at times, but super comfortable.

I have had passing thoughts about moving on, but the kind of thoughts that I pushed away with a not right now, it isn't a good time. When is it a good time though? Not only have I worked here for 11 years, but it is in a small office environment of only 3 people and that is with myself included! I am having an extremely tough time not worrying about disappointing my boss by deciding to leave. I absolutely hate being the cause of people's upset and letting them down, to the point where I deny myself happiness in order to not let it get in the way of someone else's happiness. And it hurts me.

I didn't actively go out looking for new work. It came to me. It is nothing like what I am doing now, but I find that somewhat intriguing and exciting, it has been quite some time since I have needed to step out of my work comfort zone. I kinda like the idea of leaving behind what I am doing now. This new job is so (SO) much closer to home, which brings about it's greatest perk, more time! Less time in traffic and more time with my kid. I hadn't realised what a big deal something like that could be until I found it my founding argument for possibly taking this new job.

Have I made a decision? I think I have and it is not what I thought it would be. I thought I was going to stay, but I find myself daydreaming about the day I leave. It has been one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. I am afraid of the change, but I think that is normal. However the strongest emotion seems to be guilt, I am so guilty about leaving the job I have now, even though I am 99% sure that this move will be best for me and my family, I somehow just can't shake the guilt about letting someone down. Will this matter in 5 years time though? I hope not.

Until now I hadn't realised how hungry I was for change, for a fresh start. I still need to commit to the decision though, so let's see how this works out.